What am i supposed to do?

   I really wants to go to London, have my undergraduate and postgraduate at University of Oxford. God when will that i happen? But beside that i really wanna be a doctor. Study at medical science in University of Brawijaya, but i failed at SNMPTN test. I refuse the scholarship to go to to London, just because i wanna be a doctor in Indonesia, but unfortunately i failed at the test. These thing actually haunted me everyday

  Sometime i feel envy with my friend who pass the SNMPTN test at the university what they want. And many of them who didn't pass the test can choose JNS, these for the people who have lot of money. But i can't because my parents didn't have much money like them. So what i can do is just crying in my room, without my parents see me. God, please help me! I am feeling like barely to breath. 

  I always said to my self "God makes no mistakes, god makes no mistakes, god makes no mistakes". But it still, why it's hard for me to believe?? And when my friends ask me, so what university do you enter? i try to smile and reply the university i never expected i have to go to and not even my choice. But the truth is i cry when i have to reply their question.

  But god please forgive me, for not being patience even though it's quite rough day i feel inside, but i know you already plan something special for me, and what i need is wait for the right time to come. God please, let me live me in sincere so there will be no hurt feeling again. God please show me the right way, so i finally can make my parents proud of me. Especially my mom, who i owe the most in my life. Please, god make me feel easy to reach my goals and my ambition. Because, you are the only one who can help me. And there is no god except you in this world.